I think I set myself up for something, what do you guys think?

experts please? I had a two year relationship with a 24-year old. I'm 30. She did treat me like !@#$%^%26amp;%26amp;*() for the last year of the relationship, and I didnt do anything but treat her like the queen I know she is. I gave her a choice of ending the relationship and she took the bait because I knew something was up. She tried to change me into her own fantasy person, which I chewed her out on. After we broke up, she found a new boyfriend within 3 weeks. She has said to my friends that this dude, who is 24 is a lot more mature than I am. I am assuming and know that she had him on the side. Three times in four weeks after our breakup. She had called me to see if just to check up on me (I'm not a child) once, and to see if I was ready to talk to her and become friends (all three times). I told her "Mary Grace I will call you when I'M ready". I wrote her a letter telling her I need space and that I still care for her. Now she had an upcoming b-day which was Sept. 24, turned 25. Now I'm not going to be an @$$hole and forget about her b-day. But I'm doing this as a friend. So what I did was I bought her a half dozen roses the day before, had it sent to her b-day place the day of (this was yesterday, by the florist), where she was holding her b-day party (3 yellow, 2 pink, and 2 peach) gave her call on her cell phone (the night before her party), and this is what I said to her in a very smooth manner (I'm assuming that she listened to it and maybe ignored it)





"Hey its Erwin,


listen, i know that we havent spoken in the last three weeks, and that I told you that I will talk to you and call you when I'm ready. And despite what you have done to me in the past, I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER HATE YOU. And I know you got a birthday coming up on Tuesday, so I just wanna wish you a happy and safe 25th bday. I'll tell you what, perhaps we can call each other some time, As a matter of fact why don't we talk sometime later this week. You have a goodnight. Bye!"








As she received the flowers, she was very receptive to it, by texting me, "Thank you so much for the flowers, they are very pretty". I responded. "You're very welcome. Happy 25th". Then she proceeds to text me the next day by saying "I don't know how awkward this will be 4 u seeing me with someone else, but you're more than welcome to join me, my new bf, and my family for my birthday dinner." I simply responded, "Listen I'm having dinner with an old friend right now. Just have a wonderful dinner, okay? MAYBE we'll talk later" Her response, "Its okay, just thought I'd ask anyway, have fun". What was the purpose of her inviting me over for her b-day dinner? Calling me, three time in four weeks, to see if she wanted to be friends and to check up on me?, inviting me over for her birthday dinner. What was the purpose of her doing this, to rub everything in my face? Is she trying to play mind games w/ me? And if so, how do I go about playing dirty mind games w/ her or should I even do so? Either way, had I went, she would have won. And since I didn't go, she still won.








.But this was just for the flowers. I'm wondering about the voicemail message I sent her. I dont wanna push it. But I am also very curious, as to when a girl like her may or even may not call back? Does this actually mean, the lines of communication have been shut down for good? Or do I have to always be the one to start communicating. Like emails, phone calls, etc? Somewhere, down the line I do want to have some sort of casual breakfast/lunch w/ her if she is willing to do it. Her new man lives 30-35 minutes from her, while I live only 2 blocks from her. I do want to have her back as a girlfriend, but very subtly. Am I being crazy and unrealistic? Question is, how long should I wait for her to call me back?. I don't wanna push it but if I wait too long, I KNOW I WILL LOSE MY CHANCE AT BEING WITH HER EVER AGAIN. I'm an amateur when it comes to women. She was only my 2nd serious relationship. Now, just two days ago, out of the blue, this was my first time to initiate texting her to say 'hello', nothing more. I wasnt expecting any response from her, which was more than acceptable to me. After I texted her, I went about and did my thing, hang out w/ my friends. Out of the blue two hours l8r she return my text by saying "What's up?". So I was acting all friendly by


saying "Just keeping busy". Then she responds by saying "Erwin, U can call me". I respond by saying, "Perhaps another time". She responds by saying. "Hope your doin fine Erwin, my life is a mess right now, I hope things will get better". So I respond by saying a piece of advice , "Its always better to give than to receive. You have a good night". And her final response was a confused one. It goes "?????.......Ok Whatever. L8r".


I dont know why I texted her to say hello, other than I was finished with everything that I had to do that night (etc. work). I was feeling pretty happy that time, because I have a chance to move out of our small town and she will be stuck here, while she has been miserable this whole time. I love her very much, but I have to try to keep my distance.





I think I set myself up for something, what do you guys think? I dont wanna keep texting or calling her everyday. No, I take that back, texting to me is the easiest way to communicate w/ her because its easier for me than over the phone, because I have a tendency to stutter a bit and that my brain freezes. Any suggestions? How often do you think I should try to text her? Once a week? Once every two weeks?

I think I set myself up for something, what do you guys think?
Just try to get over her and move on. Trust me, there are alot of other women out there who will treat you ALOT better than she ever did!!!!!
Reply:ummm...its really long story....give up her,you will get better one
Reply:Ok instead of writing your whole life story or essay, why don't you try getting to the point and asking a question. Make it simple for people to read and answer.
Reply:I know you don't want to hear it, but I think she actually wants you on the side for a 'buffer' or 'fall-back guy' if this guy don't work out and nothing on her horizon. She treated you badly for a year; let that be your lesson. Even when people get divorced, you still want to contact the ex and hate closing the communication permanently, but you have to so you can maintain your mental health and move forward. I would vow myself to have no contact with her for 6-12 mos. and see how your life is going. Good luck!!! Please don't allow her to use you; you sound like a decent guy!
Reply:First and foremost once you have been lovers you can not be friends after you split been there done that one of you probably you will still want to be more and all you will do is torture yourself life is to short to be unhappy. Second you are no longer dating so don't worry about her b-day you are not together it does not matter. If you want to date her again just remember how she acted towerd you that should fix that problem. You can't teach an old dog new tricks that is the same with people. Women out number us so there is no reason to keep going back to the same old crap
Reply:yea you set yourself up big time
Reply:I was about to give you some sympathy advice until I saw the number of questions that you post regarding your ex. I'm sorry but it's kinda sick what you're doing. Don't you realise you're obsessing over someone who's not into you anymore? Have some self respect, and get out more instead of mooning over something you can't have anymore. If she treats you so badly, why do you still want to be with her? Are you that weak?? WAKE UP YOUNG MAN! and get your life in order!
Reply:Holy write a book batman! Listen, from a woman's point of view.. Get over her! She treated you like crap, and now your pineing for her. Jeepers, Go out on the town, have a good night with some of your buddies, maybe get a big of hubba hubba, enjoy yourself. and See life in a new light. She is not the be all and end all. You need more experience in your life with regards to women. Go and find it. She obviously doesnt give that much of a hoot yet wants to keep you on the leash to make sure she knows what your up to.


Dont phone her, dont text her, if you see her, be nice, and carry on.


Get on with your life!!! Plenty more NICE fish in the sea.
Reply:ok first of all you need to realize what happened... She had a guy on the side... which means that she was unfaithful. Im sorry but from what you have told there is nothing that indicates that you really have a chance of getting back with her. Sorry.





I understand the whole contacting thing(how long, when, what, etc) and the best advise(from personally experience) is to not because the only way that you are ever gonna get over her is by leaving her alone altogether. Keep your mind busy in a healthy way such as join a gym, club, or league. Pursue things that you have always wanted to do in life and take time to find yourself and think about what went wrong and what you want. Things will be soo much clearer when you do this because you realize your behavior and what you did right and wrong and her behavior and what she did right and wrong. And you could also try to focus on work(but not too much lol) use your friends too thats why you have them.





She isnt really playin mind games so much as still being a woman... she wants to be friends and doesnt want you to do anything "stupid" i guess(not to say that you would)





If you want to "win" then i guarentee the best way to do that is by acting like you dont want her or anything to do with her at all... yea you may want her now but soon you will be able to look to better things...
Reply:let me get this straight, she treated you like crap for over a year, and yet you don't want to lose your chance with being with her again? I think you need to find someone a little closer to you in age and experience. Bottom line, you need a clean break, even if she only wants to be friends, I don't think you have it in you to do that.
Reply:Dude, she wants/did want you. But she wants you to be the man you were. Not the wussy you became towards the end of your dating.


i know it's a plug, but go buy David DeAngelo's e-book called "Double your dating". it's around $20, half the price of a good date, but the info is very valuable. He'll teach you how to meet women, and what to do about your "ex".


If you can't afford his book, at least subscribe to his free email. He answers some tough questions about flirting, buying her gifts, etc.





other than that, start dating other women. And if she asks, don't be afraid to say that you are dating. It will make you more valuable in her eyes if she sees that other women desire you too.


Second, yes, she was playing you man. When she was treating you like dirt, she wanted you to defend yourself and tell her to quit being childish. For you to roll over and play dead, you were not a challenge.


Think about it, you could probably easily get the "girl next door". or be the Tic-Tac-Toe game champ. why don't you? there's no challenge! You desire the best, partly because of the challenge of getting it.





so in short:


1) Go buy the e-book. you won't regret it.


2) Date other women.


3) Be a challenge!





Good luck.
Reply:WOW = what are you really trying to do?


Do you have any respect for yourself? Do you really want a woman who leaves you for someone else? she'll do it again! what kind of security is this for you? what kind of trust?


There are plenty fish in the ocean - some who are truthful - honest etc.


What qualities are you looking for in a woman - what are your standards?


You need to let go of her - By sending her flowers and calling her was kind of making a foul of yourself!


It sounds like you play ...the puppy .... You need to have some backbone and not play her game!


She knows exactly what she is doing - if she cared for you, she would not have left you - Is it so difficult for you to find a nice woman?


You sound ... wishy washy !!!! get ahold of yourself and go your own way - don't even call her!
Reply:Long message to read here.





I'll take your word that you're a nice guy and treated her well during the relationship, but show signs of being frustrated and hurt from having that taken advantage of. I've been there and done that myself, once having been royally messed over by one girl. I've had plenty of girls want me back after a mutual break-up because I always had treated them well and then they didn't receive the same treatment from other guys. A few I tried to make a go of it again with, but they soon fell into their old ways of taking and being unappreciative.





Personally, I think you would be an idiot to take her back or even to continue to speak with her. The temptation can be strong to want something back for all that you had put into the relationship, some recognition that it was all worth it, but I doubt you'd ever get back more than you would end up putting into it if you tried again. I also don't doubt that she had been cheating on you during the last leg of your relationship. And if she cheated on you once, then she has established ground to cheat on you again. It would simply be easier for her to cheat on you than it would be with someone new, someone she had never cheated on before.





So for your sake, I would suggest you simply cut your losses.
Reply:It's sounds like neither one of you has really let go yet. I think you need to decide if you want to pursue getting back with her or even having her as a friend. If she's real important to you, I think you need to speak with her in person or over the phone and find out what she wants from you. Does she want you as just a friend, and can you handle that alone? If you are jealous of her new boyfriends (because she's rubbing them in your face) then maybe it's best to stay clear of her. Either way, you need to make a choice and stick to it, this is obviously tough on you being in the 'in-between' zone. Good luck.
Reply:just end it its no worth spending time with a horrible person
Reply:jeeze what a sob story.....no affence its just really super long



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