Should she stay or leave?

What should I tell my mother to do? She is 43 and is tempting to leave my step-dad after 22yrs.She says he is draining her,shes not happy anymore with him,shes not happy with her life,shes not happy in the situation that she is in at all..her issues with him..


*He drinks..and even when they don't have the money he still drives 45min round trip to get a 12pk.


*He dips..again spending money when they don't have it.


*He goes out to shoot pool and waste gas money..when they had more money he went out 4-5times a week..now they are short on money and he leaves 2-3 times.


*He leaves to go to the VFW on important days like xmas,their anniv. family birthdays.ect.


*He never buys her flowers,presents or anything anymore.He has even asked us kids to pick her a gift and he'd pay us back!


*Hes negative about most things.


*Hes got on ssi this past year and just sits around mopping and says his life is over and he has nothing to live for anymore.


He has not cheated,hit,or cussed out my mom in anyway..

Should she stay or leave?
If your Mom is not happy, then stand behind her leaving your step dad. There is NO reason to stay with someone you're unhappy with. She is still young enough to start a new life.
Reply:Woa - before you do anything else, get that man to a doctor. It's not normal to see some of the behaviour you are describing and who knows what you might find - and be able to fix?





If the doctor tells you he's fine and is just unloving and uninterested in fixing things, that's your answer. A relationship takes two people committed to making it work - one person can't do it alone.
Reply:stay and help him through this.
Reply:He won't seek help for his drinking problem? Then she should leave and that will show that she is serious that he needs to change. Get your apt with your mom and you two will need to budget. Yes, I imagine times will be tough but in the long run it will be healthy.
Reply:Abuse and Addiction....





Leave before he gets worse.
Reply:maybe because of what happened to him hes going through some kind of mid life crisis, maybe even both of them......this would be tough on both of them....he does need to stop doing all this but she needs to talk to him not you about it....if they stayed together for 22 years there must be a reason...maybe he just needs to see things in a different view. Good luck!
Reply:yes encourage her to leave.let her know you support her and since he seems so unwilling to change that she needs to take that step and leave him.good luck to u 2
Reply:tell your mom to get rid of this looser and you help your mom..god will make a way..your see
Reply:Let's see, from what I read, you don't work and your step dad is willing to pay for your mom, you and your two kids and you wonder why he is depressed? He probably stays in the bedroom or leaves the house to get some peace.





Why don't you get a job and move out (either into public housing or a place of your own) and let your mom make her own choices in life.





I really don't mean this to be hurtful.. but that's quite a load for anyone to carry. Have you thought that you and your two kids might be alot of the problems that they are having?
Reply:thats sad, but that needs professional opinions and treatments. however, i would say that she should leave for the reasons listed and if there are no ways to control them.
Reply:sounds like its time to move on .your mom can find abetter life than that you both will be alot more happy.
Reply:I would try - in this order





1. Ask him if he will go to counseling


2. Go to counseling alone


3. Try to find interest and hobbies that she can do alone and not focus on him and his bad habits


4. Go away on a short trip to visit a family member - she may realize that she misses him more than she thought she would





Hope it works out
Reply:Your mom needs to ask the question, not you. You need to stay out of it and live your own life.



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