Visiting Mother's grave- meddling Grandmother?

My grandmother (My dad's mom) lives about 4 hours away. Halfway between my house and hers, is the cemetary where my mother is buried. I mentioned to her that I was taking flowers to Mom's grave next week because it's mom's birthday. She asked me to come to her house- that's an 4 hours (if you figure there and back) out of my way. She's in good health and has her own transportation, so I suggested that she meet me in the town where Mom's buried and I'd buy her lunch, since it is halfway. She's now guilt-tripping me, but just last month she was IN THE TOWN WHERE I LIVE and didn't even call me.





On one hand, I feel guilty because she is my grandmother. On the other hand, I realize she's not being fair.





Should I just suck it up and go see her?

Visiting Mother's grave- meddling Grandmother?
No you shouldn't. Your purpose for going out of town is to visit your mother's grave on what would have been her birthday. That's very special. If your grandmother wants you to go out of your way for her sake, you needn't do so.





It would be different if grandma was in poor health and didn't get out much. This isn't the case. So, stick with your original plan. Oh, and invite grandma to visit you anytime she is AGAIN in your home town.





Guilt runs two ways, after all. Don't let it make you decide to 'suck it up'. If you do, you'll be allowing grandma and others push your buttons forever.
Reply:Yes, go see her. Sorry that you both have to face the sad task of placing flowers on your mom's grave on her birthday. You won't regret taking your grandmother, even though it's inconvenient for you. Ask her to tell you some stories about your mother -- like when she first met her when she and your dad were engaged, etc. Good luck, and God bless.
Reply:Not if you don't want to make the trip. It would not make the whole visit worth it to you would it?





Explain to her this is something you really want to do and you would also like to meet her for lunch, but you are pressed for time and can not drive out further than you originally planned to.





ADDITION:





If she does not want to come to the cometary she does not have to. She can meet you at wherever you decide lunch will be if she wants to come. Tell her where you are going to be at what time and be there. If she does not show up consider it next time you think about gong out of your way for her.





And, I don't care how she felt about her own daughter, it is hateful of her. Her daughter is dead now and for her to continue to hold the hate and resentment toward her and still push it on you is wrong.



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