Did I do the right thing? This wedding was planned a year ago and now it's 3 weeks before the wedding..?

My sister (who is well off) Ask to be booked at the hotel where my daughter's reception will be held a YEAR ago. The place is old and I think elegant. The reception costs are now at 18K. Well, she looked at the reviews of the rooms on Yahoo and 2 out of the 12 said the rooms were old and awful, the remaining were OK . Yesterday I called to confirm with her and she started SCREAMING at me that she will NOT stay in a flea bag place. I was so embarrassed and I said she didn't have to stay there but kept yelling about how could we have picked a place so bad. My daughter would be so HURT if she heard this.


My youngest daughter, her sister, died 3 years ago and We want this day to be extra special for her. I was so upset all day. My husband called her and disinvited her and told her to take her condescending behavior and park it. Did we do the right thing?


BTW I sent her flowers for her birthday last year and she called YELLING at me how awful they were, they were "near dead".

Did I do the right thing? This wedding was planned a year ago and now it's 3 weeks before the wedding..?
Your sister sounds like she is using her wealth to belittle you and others in your circle, and since she probably has more options in life, she'd rather spew her opinions versus considering the feelings of others. Although dis-inviting your sister will create future tensions between you, I commend your bravery in choosing to cut her out to spare your daughter's feelings. This clearly shows that you and your husband have nothing, but the best intentions for your daughter by putting her first. You have the right to make this event a moment to remember for you and your entire family. It's just a shame that your sister doesn't realize that value and class go well beyond how posh the hotel room appeared or how beautiful the bouquet. In my opinion, you and your husband are truly the wealthiest above your sister because you will own the memories that will pay for itself time and time again just by seeing the happiness on our daughters face. Thus, go forth and enjoy the day. Your sister isn't going anywhere -- she needs you to brag to -- a regular Mrs. Oleson from Little House on The Prairie.
Reply:I don't know if you did the right thing or not. Are you going to miss her being there? Down the road will it matter if she stayed at that hotel or not?





I am sorry for the loss of your child. I cannot imagine your loss.
Reply:Wow did he ever do the right thing good for him!
Reply:i think you totally did the right thing. she could have just politely told you that she'd rather stay in a different place, she was completely out of line there.





this reminds me of that brat teenager i saw on tv who threw a big damn hissy fit when her parents bought her a brand new sports car because it wasn't the one she wanted.
Reply:First, in your situation, I would have reacted the exact same way - and my husband would have reacted the same way too! Your sister sounds awful (I'm sure this isn't the only side to her, but seriously, she sounds like a brat).





However, when everyone has a chance to calm down (give it 3 or 4 days) I think that maybe something more should be said.





My advice is first - to talk to your daughter! You don't have to tell her the awful things your sister said. There is almost no way this woman doesn't know that her aunt is such a brat. But you can tell her that she said some very hurtful things related to the wedding, and that your husband disinvited her.





Talk to her about the options. Does she want her aunt there no matter what? Does she want her aunt there if she's willing to apologize? Or does she completely agree and not want to see her aunt there at all?





The thing is, that everyone has to keep in mind - it's your daughter's day. The things that are important to a girl on her wedding day are her own - I invited my dad's estranged brother who everyone hates to my wedding. I just had to. I wanted my cousins to know that I love them regardless of the troubles our parents went through. My dad never would have really approved but he told me that since it's my wedding, I could invite who I wanted.





Your daughter might decide to go ahead and keep things how they are, or she might want to wait it out a few days. In the meantime if your sister calls you, you can just let her know that your daughter just doesn't know if she wants this negative presence at her wedding.





But even though it might be hard on you, she could also decide she wants her aunt there. I know it will be a hard phone call, but if you have to call to re-invite her, I think that you should let her know in no uncertain terms that she is on rocky ground with you personally. You have every right to not be treated the way she treats you. I hope that in the future you are able to hang up the phone or somehow get out of the conversation when she starts throwing tantrums, because you don't deserve to go through that. You can just let her know that despite her lashing out, your daughter wants her to be there and you hope she can make it for your daughter's sake. If I were you I would not offer to help her find a place to stay, that seems like it's inviting another tantrum.





I really hope that you are able to resolve this problem. I think there are few things sadder than family members who are torn apart, unfortunately I know that some people are just jerks and there's no way around that. But I hope that your sister realizes that you are not a punching bag and that you deserve to be treated like a person. Good luck with everything!
Reply:You've got a wicked sister there, honey. I've been invited to weddings where I didn't like the rooms. So you know what I did? I kept my mouth shut and booked at a nearby place I liked instead. And I'd never dream of complaining about a gift I received. You did the right thing...no one needs that kind of negativity in their life.
Reply:You and your husband's reaction were typical and totally justified. If she didn't feel that it was "right" for her to stay that's her business, but to ridicule your daughter's choice of venue is just crass and in bad taste.





This person sounds like she just likes to complain and that nothing will make her happy. If you want to re-invite her, do so (she is after all, family and we all make sacrifices for family) but let her make her on reservation. And be strict that if she has any complaints she had better keep them to herself. This is your daughter's day not hers and when her daughter gets married, she can have the event anywhere she wants, but this is where your daughter wants to get married and so keep her opinions to herself.





Also let her know that you will have no problem escorting her out if she upsets your daughter or this day in any way, shape, or form.
Reply:I think you did the right thing. Regardless of the fact that she is your sister...your daughter comes first. And the last thing your daughter needs on her special day is a condescending, complaining bag of wind ruining her moment. You are a great mom, for thinking of your daughter first.





Your sister will get over it...and hopefully learn a lesson (if she knows what's good for her!)
Reply:Sounds like a lovely sister. A joy to be around.





In all seriousness, you don't have to take this from her. This wedding isn't about your sister %26amp; her snobby attitude, it's about your daughter. Your husband took steps he felt necessary to protect his daughter from this hurtful woman. Trust that he has made the right decision %26amp; let it go.





Don't let this woman walk all over you. If the birthday fiasco happened to me, I would have told my sister to stick the flowers up her....anyway, I have a very kind sister so that wouldn't happen. You need to get a backbone with her %26amp; stop taking her carp.





Best of luck to you and best wishes for a lovely wedding day!
Reply:I wouldn't want her there. She may be "well-off" financially, but socially she is extremely "poor".
Reply:Your sister is a spoiled brat who needs to get an attitude adjustment. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, your sister should call you and apologize. I would email this question to her. Your parents should be embarrassed for raising someone this intolerable. I would not re-invite her.
Reply:Uninviting her was a bit extreme, even though she seems to be a bitter, miserable old hag (sorry). You both are making this about yourselves and not about your daughter and her wedding.





I must say something though, some people are very picky about hotel accomodations, and even though most people don't have a problem staying at an average hotel, some people do have real or imaginary safety/higyne issues with hotels. Me, for example, do require clean 600 tread count linens, indoor hall, a surgically clean bathroom, smell free air and carpet, room service, and a sleep number matress or else I rather sleep in my car. I have no problem paying for what I want. Since your sister didn't specify which type of accomodations she needed/wanted, it's NOT your fault, the place is probably lovely, but some people are just imposssible to please and/or have high standards.





My suggestion to you is to call her and apologize and tell her that you have been stressed with all the wedding stuff and overreacted. Tell her that you are sorry that the hotel accomodations were not as expected, and offer other options for lodging available that could be of her liking. Tell her that it means a lot to you and your daughter to have her in her wedding, which is what really is important.





Send her an email with the available options. You can never go wrong with Sheraton, Hilton and surprisingly Radisson. Try www.expedia.com





Good luck
Reply:Yes, you did do the right thing. What would she do if she came--berate the waitstaff? I'm sure she wan't born with alot of money, and her poor manners show this--we've catered for alot of very wealthy people, and I have found those who were born with plenty are generally gracious people, while those who married into money (especially them) are quite rude about it because that's the stereotype they have of rich people. She needs to get over herself before she loses her family with her atrocious behavior.
Reply:im so sorry u are going thru all this.ur sister seems just plain mean-and maybe a bit unbalanced at that?the only thing that should matter is ur daughters happiness-after a tragedy,this is her celebration that life and love do go on.u and ur husband did exactly the right thing.maybe she will be jolted into apologising-but dont count on it.yes,its sad to break with a family member,but she has been cruel to u,ungrateful for ur gifts to her,ungrateful of the fact that u helped her book the hotel-which is probably lovely.and "forgetful" of the fact she ASKED u to book it in the first place!forget her for now.maybe later,u can try to salvage the relationship if u want to-bearing in mind she may never change,for now,concentrate on ur daughter,enjoy the wedding,and dont let this bitter,selfish,angry woman hurt u-u have been thru enough!now is ur time to celebrate life!happy wedding!!!!!! ps-it seems other answerers are more in favor of re-inviting her,but please remember that someone who is capable of such outbursts and self-serving behaviour,may find a reason(and it doesnt seem to take mutch!)tothrow a fit at the wedding-dont let her sulky,angry behaviour ruin ur daughters day!i speak from experience-a tragedy occured b4 our wedding as well(a murder).it was hard to get thru it,but everyone conspired to make the day magical for us,and it was.this is what ur daughter needs-fight for her,and dont let anyones selfish moods mar her day!
Reply:Call her and tell her when you become as perfect as she is you will have contac with her again, or when she realizes she isnt all that and a bag of chips and can apologize for her rude arrogant behavior you will be glad to accept her back into your life.She may be your sister,but you dont have to be her doormat for her to wipe her dogpoop covered shoes on hon.If she apologizes ,garcefully accept it.Then go from there.
Reply:She sounds like a real piece of work, You should reinvite her weddings are times when there should be no grudges and all hatchets should be burried. If she does not like the place you two picked out she can rent a hotel on her own. Good luck I hope your daughters day is extra special.
Reply:Your husband did the right thing. Your sister sounds like a spoiled, rich brat. She needs to grow up. Don't lose any sleep over this. Concentrate on your daughter's wedding. Best of luck to her.
Reply:Keep her AWAY...it's for the best. Since she has outburst that no one can control...it's best to keep the peace for your daughter's benefit. It sounds cruel but so is that woman! She will find herself UNinvited to many more if she won't keep her tounge in cheeck!
Reply:you did the right thing. you have worked really hard to make this beautiful and special for your daughter! and you're exactly right you don't need that condescending behavior and your daughter doesn't need to know! i can't believe she would actually be so harsh toward you! best of luck to you and congrats to your daughter!



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