PLEASE READ!!! Having A LOT of Troucle getting over Ex- Fiancee. EXTREMELY DEPRESSED!!!?

My fiancee decided to cut off our engagement in June and break up with me after being together over 4 years because she said she needed to find herself in life. Needless to say, I loved this girl more than anything, and I thought she was madly in love with me and still am very very upset over this. I have not heard from her sinceSeptember . I signed up on Match.com about two months ago, I have been on a few good dates and many bad ones. I honestly miss my ex SO MUCH. But it is so hard for me, she completely phased me out of her life. How can I help myself to move on. In the past , the very few times I tried to contact her, were never responded to. And when I mean very few, I mean, I called her 3 times since September. i sent her flowers for her birthday on January 16th. It is so hard for me to move on. I need Advice!!! I still cannot get over the fact that the girl who's face lit up when she saw me, now does not even acknowledge that I am alive.

PLEASE READ!!! Having A LOT of Troucle getting over Ex- Fiancee. EXTREMELY DEPRESSED!!!?
Listen I know EXACTLY what you feel like - after almost 6 years of being together my fiance, he dropped me like a hot potato, with 6 months to go until the wedding. Everything was purchased, my dress was in and I was blind sided ... If she needs to find herself now after being with you for so long, then she's not ready, and you DO NOT deserve her. You deserve someone that's going to be there for you, and stay with you. You've done a great thing by going on Match.com and you have started to get out there. This will take time, how long, no one but you really knows. The key is to keep going, involve yourself in tons of activities, hang out with friends, family, etc ... it may sound crazy, but I've heard it time and again: "when you least expect it". Just don't turn down opportunities that may be facing you for happiness. You said you had a few good dates - that's AWESOME! Follow through on them ... whatever you do though DO NOT continue to attempt to reach her. She phased you out, swallow the bitter pill and thank your lucky stars! Every time you attempt to reach her you put yourself back into the mental mode where you are relieving all the feelings and then you won't be able to let go. I still love ex-fiance, but he will never be mine again, that's a harsh and cold truth, but a truth none the less ... good luck, I know it's very tough!
Reply:Suck it up and get on with your life...





She must have had a reason...forget it and get going...don't be a wussie..
Reply:When she first breaks up with you if someone where to ask you if you would be willing to take her back, for most men the answer would be yes.





However, when a woman breaks up with you there is a problem with the relationship and even if she wants you back later, if you don't figure out what the problem is, at a certain point sooner than before the previous reason for the breakup is going to come up again and end the relationship again.





Depending on the type of woman that you are dealing with, the problem might be something that is completely out of your control or that you don't want to change.





http://www.lonelyou.com/





The only thing that is certain is when you begin deciding whether or not you should take her back you must ask yourself in what ways have you changed that will help you solve the problem in the relationship the next time it comes up.
Reply:Stop sending her things and stop phoning...its over and she doesnt want you anymore.........its so painful I know, but you must move on now. It hurts so much doesnt it but she probably has got somone else and its better she does it this way than wait till you get married. I applaud her courage and wish you nothing but the best..........X
Reply:Pal...let me make this simple for you. Think of her as dead. Because that is exactly what the situation is. You've tried to re-establish contact and she has not responded in any way shape or form.





So she's letting you know through 'non-verbal communication' that she wants nothing to do with you. Why? Who knows. Probably another guy. Isn't that always the case. Or maybe on that romantic night when she lay in bed nude and pefumed waiting for you and you walked through the door wearing that chicken outfit with the rubber dong attached to your head may have ended it...who knows?





But you see what I'm saying? Let it go man. She's gone and you should be dedicating your energies into finding someone else who compatable to you. And doesn't have allegies to rubber chicken suits.





Seriously...good luck. Stop dwelling on it...you'll eat yourself alive.
Reply:Listen it is better she broke it off then made the mistake of marrying you when she knew it was not right. She moved on and you need to find a way to do the same. Not letting her go will just make you more depressed. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Dont cry for the one that got away.
Reply:I knew you sounded familiar.


Just let this go and leave her alone and keep focusing on each day. You say you are dating - do you have friends you can hang with to just relax, rather than going out on date after date.....


Just relax in dating, and relax in getting over the ex - you seem to want everything right away and are obsessive about it as well.....RELAX it will get better.....
Reply:my nice brother was dumped once. he asked me, do women get upset when i cry on our dates?





now how does a guy with an MBA think this does not creep girls out?





ok i am going to give you some advice. go to a website called www.askmen.com and read the entire section on dating and love, and the stuff by one of the contributors to that section called doc love. i would only believe 80% of what he says but what he says is so true and so powerful, i am saying this as a girl, that you will gain a lot of insight from what he says, hon.





all i can tell you other than that is to read a book called ' why successful people win' by ben stein. why? cause you sound like a great guy and it is a great book and will give you lots of stuff you will identify with. i challenge you to do these two things.
Reply:Sorry to hear you are so sad. Everybody is different; and we all act differenty when we are recovering from a breakup. Some people take much longer than others to move on.





I guess I'd suggest you consider going to therapy or counseling. You need to vent and sort out the issues you have so you can deal with your feelings. If you try to ignore them, they will always be there, haunting you and making it harder for you to move on.





You should also visit your doctor, and find out if you need anti-depressants to help you overcome these sad feelings. Depression is a terrible illness, and no one can understand just HOW horribly you feel unless they've actually been there themselves! So get help ASAP...Don't let it grow!





I hope you find therapy useful.


Another thing you could try to do is to go to church. Even if you are not a religious person...God is The BEST doctor around, and all He wants in order to help you heal is for you to ask Him, from the bottom of your heart. Do this...and watch Him work !





Good luck. Focus on yourself and on healing,
Reply:aww i'm sorry to hear that- that must really suck!


something must have happened to make her become to distant (maybe she got scared of the commentment...)


i think you need to move on like she did. go out with you GUY friends, find a hobby like fishing or hockey (or something to keep you occupied). don't rush back into dating yet- take your time.








1- Take her off that pedestal


Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her.





2- Get closure


It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you.





3- Don't contact her


After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Get the picture? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.





4- Get negative feelings out on paper


Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.





5- Avoid her friends %26amp; the places she hangs


Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too -- at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with mutual friends.





Throw out her crap, leave your stuff with her and bang away with the ladies





6- Throw away anything that reminds you of her


You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object reminds you of your ex, discard it. This can save your sanity.





7- Don't try to get your stuff back


Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.





8- Hang out with your friends


Let your buddies give you a reality check on how your ex wasn't all that to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will likely get detonated again.





9- Exercise your newfound freedom


Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your "other half" didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.





10- Remember the bad times


If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a ***** to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your posse? Nobody wants that back.





11- Sleep with another girl


Nothing reminds you that you are a man quite like having a new woman in your bed. So take solace in the arms of another. Call it a rebound if you wish. Plenty of heartbroken guys go this route and for a very good reason -- it makes you feel better, even if it's only temporary. So go out there and feel better about yourself!





Bonus: Seduce somebody she's jealous of


Remember the hair stylist or the hot barmaid your ex scolded you for looking at? Well, now's your chance to make a move that will pay off in more ways than just sex. Just think, if your ex finds out you've been fishing in familiar waters, it will drive her to the point of hysteria. This can be quite gratifying.





banish her from your mindGetting the woman of your past out of your present is a mental and emotional challenge of the first order. However the tried and true guidelines above should have your heart mended in no time.
Reply:Focus on other things. Go to school and start a new career, or bury yourself in your current career. Also, get out and socialize as much as you can. Go to anything people invite you to. Join a big church. And swear that no matter what you will not contact your ex ever again.





You have to ACT like you are over her until you actually are. It's called behavior therapy.
Reply:I'm sure that its hard and your depressed but its better that it happened now rather than 10 yrs and 2 kids down the road that she found she needed to find herself. But now you need to find yourself. Right now I'm sure you feel like your nothing without her but stop and look around you r something and can be someone to another woman. I'm not saying jump into the next relationship full force but take your time and live life a little, go out with your guy friends and maybe even do a little soul searching on your own, take a trip or hiking down a mountain side all alone. You will find that when you are experiencing the most interesting things and meeting the most fabulous ppl little by little she will be just another great part of your memories. Good luck to you!
Reply:Time takes time. Sure wish I had a better answer for you. Hope you meet someone thats gonna treat you well. But you know how it works, though; one door shuts, another door opens. Take good care. I've been there. Hurts.
Reply:She is moving on herself, she's completely cut off contact with you so that she can break the habit of your relationship.





You have to do the same. I would suggest you immerse yourself in something that isn't about you but about someone else. This is the time to get involve with a charity or volunteer yourself time and your physical effort elsewhere. Or simply do a project you have long waited to do. Clean out your basement, paint the house, buy a junker and take it apart and put it back together.





The idea is that you take up your time doing something physical, which leaves you exhausted and with very little time to concentrate on yourself.





You are not ready to date if you sent this woman who has cut you out of her life, flowers two weeks ago. Next time you want to do something like that, take the money and give it to charity. You aren't ever going to win her back and frankly when the obsession is passed, you will understand why this was the most unselfish thing in the world that she could have done for you.





She knew she could not love you the way you needed to be loved, and she left the picture so that you could find that person. However, you aren't ready to do that. Stop dating until you stop comparing everyone else you see with the ghost of your past.
Reply:Be glad she did it now instead of taking you to the cleaners. Only advise I can give you is to start see other people at first,have fun make friends see a movie go swimming with them. A net of friends is likely to catch you some fish.
Reply:First, god won't help you---- silly. Secondly, you cannot make someone want to want you who does not. And had you married her, it would not have lasted. So, she rather did you both a favor by bailing before it could have become messy with kids and the rest of it.





It is always difficult to heal matters of the heart, however it is obviously the lady no longer wishes you in your life... and yes, it is as if she reached into your chest, ripped out your heart and threw it at your feet.... Abandonment is the worst of all possible emotions. (been there--- the most gut wrenching feeling there is.)





But you are indeed on the right track.... Match.com, as well as Yahoo Personals have some great people (and a few nut cases just like those sitting next to you in church). And I would encourage you to continue to try, and expand, even, the geographical areas in which you are willing to go ---(say within a 90 minute drive). Be sure that you match up in the areas important to you for starters--(politics, religion, education, etc). And when you put up your posting, be honest about yourself, and what you are looking for. And if you need some polishing up, do that--- new hair, nice outfits, and most of all, if you don't have that killer smile, get it at the best cosmetic dentist you can afford. Beautiful teeth radiate health, and healthy, hon, is sexy. Be sure your photos show a nice smile without sunglasses!!!





Life is tooooo short, and being with an appropriate partner just toooooo wonderful to pine away over a lost love. If you need some help, get a few sessions of counseling to get your head back on straight. Decide to move on by doing some of these positive things, because to do nothing but pine away is a decision to remain miserable.
Reply:i know you have posted a question like this yesterday...maybe you need to really talk to a professional
Reply:move on go out with your friend and fid someone new . good luck
Reply:I think your ex fiancee found something alright...She most likely found another man...that is why she has completely cut you off without any contact....I am so sorry that this happened to you....But you have to move on with your life...Don't make any attempts to contact her....It will take time to get over the pain....But you can do it!
Reply:This has got to be tough, but try to be happy that she didn't go through with the marriage and then divorce you ten years from now. You all were together for 4 years, it may take longer to get over her. Just be single for a while, the last thing you need is a rebound relationship. Try to not think of her at all and stay very busy, this will get better as time passes. You say that you are extremely depressed, maybe you should discuss this with your Dr and possibly get on some anti-depressants, to help you live your life until your heart has healed. Good Luck:)
Reply:I am so sorry to hear what you are going through but you know what thank god that she did it now then later in the marriage you never know why things happen in life i know you can't get over her and more because she was the one who finished the relationship it's a psychological thing that we humans have it's no so easy to accept that the person we though loved us so much leaves us so easy. So my advice try to look at the bright side of it you will soon find the right woman for you don't loose faith in god oo and don't look for love right now it will come without you looking for it.. Good luck.
Reply:the beautiful ones are not yet born.wait till you get another one better than her. i suggest you don't rush into a relationship in your current state because you are emotionally confused and decisions you make now might not be sound. Cry over her until there is no more tears. then she will just be scar and not a wound in your heart and life. you will create new memories with a beautiful one meant for you soon enough. courage brother
Reply:Instead of sending her flowers on her birthdays, valentines day, and so on, just send me the money, and I'll do something more productive with it, OK?





Why are you sending somebody who broke up with you to "go find herself' (which is an incomplete sentence that should read "go find herself a new boyfriend") flowers?





Time to toughen up, kid. And count your blessings while you are at it. Can you imagine what would have happened if you had married this flake? You could be payng child support to somebody who divorced you so she could run off with some biker with a nice Harley who is teaching your kids all kind of new swear words when he's around.





You have no choice but to move on, and in the future you need to pay closer attention to whether the women you date are interested in YOU (instead of strictly your interest level in them) and not ignore the red flags you must have been ignoring because you were interested in this woman.





It ain't all about YOU, and you need to find somebody who treats you with respect, who you can respect, and who is interested in you as much as you are interested in them.



make up