HELP!!! Having A Lot Of Trouble Getting Over Fiancee Who Broke Up With Me In June. Hard To Move On!!?

My fiancee decided to cut off our engagement in June and break up with me after being together over 4 years because she said she needed to find herself in life. Needless to say, I loved this girl more than anything, and I thought she was madly in love with me and still am very very upset over this. I have not heard from her since November . I signed up on Match.com about two months ago, I have been on a few good dates and many bad ones. I honestly miss my ex SO MUCH. But it is so hard for me, she completely phased me out of her life. How can I help myself to move on. In the past , the very few times I tried to contact her, were never responded to. And when I mean very few, I mean, I called her 2 times since September. i sent her flowers for her birthday on January 16th. It is so hard for me to move on. I still cannot get over the fact that the girl who's face lit up when she saw me, now does not even acknowledge that I am alive and avoids every attempt for me just to chat. Need Help!!

HELP!!! Having A Lot Of Trouble Getting Over Fiancee Who Broke Up With Me In June. Hard To Move On!!?
Aww...i hate to hear things like this.. I am currently in a 5 1/2 yr. relationship so i can understand how it feels to be connected with someone and only that person for numerous years! We have fought and broken up a few times,a dn the thought of losing that person kills you! i can relate to your feelings...I dont know how good those dating sites are...but you really need to takes sometime for yourself,,,i know its lonely by yourself..but you need to heal from this relationship before you move on to another one. Honestly you are going to carry all of these fellings into your next relationship, and that isnt fair to the new girl. Anyways, you seem to be jumpin into dating a lot to take up your free time. You need to go out with your boys and maybe spend sometime with family, whether you see a movie, go bowling, to the bar,to a sports game.. Do anything to keep your mind off of this ex-girlfriend. And i am not saying to not date at all..but just take your time, you dont want to settle for someone just b/c you feel like you need someone, take your time, you need to be mentally and emotionally stable in order to have another healthy relationship! GOOD LUCK!
Reply:Have you ever heard that old saying:


An ex is an ex for a reason...


Please don't be like me and lose your self-respect by calling her or sending her flowers.


I was with this guy since 6th grade and till the last year of college....well almost 10yrs! And out of the blue the jerk decided to go to some other country!! Do you know how that feels! 10 yrs!!! I wasted my college life for that jerk! Anyways ....I didn't still stop(stupid me didn't learn my lesson)..i called him and even went to England to talk to him...nothing! he treated me like dirt...I cam back to new jersey and well did so soul searching....I thought..why waste my life on the guy who doesn't even give a sh*t about me?


i threw all his stuff....forgot his cellphone number and email...and started all over again..


What you could do is....go to clubs....find someone else...you deserve better!
Reply:My heart goes out to you. Many years ago, my first marriage ended while I was going to Medical School and it took me every bit of three years before I was completely over my ex-wife.





One thing I would say is you probably want to back off Matchmaker for awhile. Until your heart is available to give to someone else, it isn't fair to be approaching women with the baggage that you are carrying. You have to first concentrate on establishing a life without your ex before you consider replacing.





Go out and make some friends. A great thing to do at this time is to find a civic group that actively goes out into the community and helps people. Often times helping other people with their problems takes the focus off of your own and helps redirect the energy from feeling sorry for yourself to feeling empathy for others.





Take a little time for the wound to heal and stop picking at it. Time does heal all wounds if you find some appropriate ways to handle your grief.
Reply:You probably should not be sending her flowers. This happens when she realizes that she's not in love with you enough to commit to a life with you. It's not your fault, or hers; it's just a matter of chemistry. She didn't feel like you were the one.





She's staying away from you to try to spare you as much pain as possible, and she's in pain too. Believe me, she knows that she's hurt you, but she's decided it's better this way than an entire lifetime of pain, which is what you would have had if she wasn't really in love with you and you got married anyway. Sending the notes and flowers just reminds her of the pain she caused you. If you love her, stop it. It's over.





So it hurts now, but the pain will ebb. Slowly. She spared you a lifetime of it. You'll probably need a year to get over such a long relationship. Being in such pain, you'll never have a really good date, so I probably wouldn't bother until you feel you are ready again.





There's not much you can do to get over it, except to not lock yourself away from the world in depression, and to let time take its natural course.
Reply:give it more time...been there. After my bf left me,it too me 1 1/2 years to get over him...but only after i fell for this other guy....I know how hard it is bc all you think about her and what went wrong and what you did wrong or what she didn't like...keep going on dates....don't worry the hurt will go away
Reply:I am sorry, but it's better than her deciding to break up now than after you are married. It wounds like you need time. Also, try not to "look" for someone-date, and have fun. Don't compare your feelings for your ex girlfriend to your dates-it took four years for you to get where you were with her-it's not going to "go away"in a few months but, over time.


to help-don't call her, send presents-anything-she is gone; because she was not the person you thought she was-or you'd be together.


Look for new interests-not just women, but sports, hobby, and build yourself into a better person for the insights you have gained. Good Luck!
Reply:gee join a club in your town you need people around you now good luck
Reply:there are no guarantees in life, one year they love u and all is well and your planning to wed, than out of no where they leave u, acceptance is the first step in moving on. group therapy helps, where u are able to talk to others who understand because they have been in your shoes. grief responds to being able to talk about it to others. if she avoids someone she once loved, it means she is in another relationship, and for what ever reason u have to cut all ties, meaning no more calls to her, no more sending her flowers, no more trying to get back whats gone. before u get into a new relationship u need to go through the grief process, so u don't carry this hurt into the next relationship, so don't be in too big a hurry to find someone new yet, not until u have dealt with your broken heart first. it is no easy thing to loose someone u fully trusted, and grew to love, but if they don't feel the same about u, your just fooling yourself.
Reply:i'm really sorry that you feel this way. breaking up really sucks. you need to follow her lead and stop trying to contact her. eventually you will phase her out of your system. stop wallowing over the relationship. allow yourself an hour a day to think about her, but that is it. if you think about her more, go ride a bike or read. eventually you will stop thinking about her. good luck!
Reply:Gman, I am going to have to be brutally honest here. You have to think of it this way. This coming June is much closer than last June and you have to stop allowing the thoughts of her to KEEP wasting your life. Life is too short and unpredictable to waste your energy on someone who doesn't want or appreciate your efforts. Trust me, it is better to happen now than to happen after marriage and maybe children involved. You will find someone who's face lights up when she sees you and will appreciate you for being who you are. Good luck!!!!
Reply:ouch....maybe it is better she won't talk to you because that may make you miss her EVEN MORE. Just keep going on dates and living your own life and respect her decision and you will find happiness with a woman again eventually.
Reply:Well,you can't help it if she doesn't want to get back with you.Try to move on,it's hard,I know, but you'll find the wright one eventually, just don't push it to much and force your self on dates if you don't feel like it.


She said that she wonted to find herself in life,that just means that she was choking in your relationship,and wanted to experience something more from life and wasn't ready to settle in yet.It's better she told you before you've got married .
Reply:Nothing can compare to the desolation you must feel and the betrayal as this lady did not make her self clear to you. If it is any help when my EX husband walkd away, left me with 2 children and eviction from a police house I felt so isolated and could not relate to anything but... I sat down and wrote down in a letter how I felt and what I wanted and then sealed it and placed it in a drawer. Feeling much better for having offloaded onto the paper.


6 months later on moving I came across the letter and had a jolly good laugh, you see life moves on and the sooner you pick yourself up and move on also the better for you. Her book is closed, yours will open soon just be patient.





CAZ



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