Sunday, October 11, 2009

I am so happy, my boyfriend/exboyfriend?'s mother is being so nice to me. But I wonder: why is she so nice?

My boyfriend/ex-boyfriend has been in hospital since June 11. Since he returned to hospital, I have been visiting him, but also going out with his mother, keeping this a secret from him, at his mother's request.





He doesn't want me to talk with his mother.


Ever since we started dating, I talked with his mother on the phone, and she was always very nice.





Then, after he entered hospital, we decided this was our chance to meet up. She took me out to a delicious dessert cafe, and then to an expensive restaurant. We talked about him for a long time, I found out a lot. She said she would recommend him to me if he weren't ill, and hopes things go in a good direction, if he gets better, gets a job, etc. She gave me flowers for my birthday.





We corresponded by phone and email, and then yesterday she called me to invite me for lunch. Again, she paid for everything, and she gave me a beautiful porcelain cat (lucky charm) ornament as a gift. She said next time, she'd buy me a new handbag

I am so happy, my boyfriend/exboyfriend?'s mother is being so nice to me. But I wonder: why is she so nice?
It sounds like you two are in love and you both should look at getting married. However, there is the question about his mother. She is being very friendly and that should send up a red flag. If you two should get married than put a lot of miles between him and his mother. It sounds like she keeping him ill to keep him at home.
Reply:uh oh.





red flag alert.





i would post this in the psychology section. i dont think you will like the answer though.





he has a problem and you cant help him, bail now. sorry.





his mother is doing what moms do, trying to help her son.





i would guess he has obsessive compulsive disorder, nothing will ever be clean enough.





the hospital was a mental hospital wasnt it? if he was in a lock down ward he is suicidal on top of everything else.





im sorry, life sucks, bail out now.





just read the add. details, asking you about the cell phone is a sign of paranoia. the list keeps growing.





make an appointment to see a shrink, they will explain this to you and how to let go.





i am very, very sorry. your love will only hurt him. drive him further over the abyss that he is about to fall into. the best thing you can do is leave him. meds should stabilize him.
Reply:The situation sounds peculiar.


Maybe I'm not understanding the circumstances, but are you living in NY and he in Japan? Are you also corresponding with him or have you been speaking with him? How are you more in love with him now? I'm not saying that you shouldn't be, but perhaps you should should try to look at this from a distance. Don't romanticize it. Is he still in the hospital? Why is his mother keeping her relationship with you from him? That would send up a big red flag for me.


Maybe you should ask his mother to stop communicating with you for a while so that just you and he can work on your relationship and keep in mind that if she is this involved in your relationship now, think of how things would be once you are married.


My experience has been that men usually treat their wives how they treat their mothers. Maybe not exactly but it affects the relationship.





Best of luck!
Reply:Just enjoy the relationship that you have with his mother. I hope it lasts.
Reply:wwwwooooooo......luky u......must say.....dis au is happng cz his mum loves him a lot...she tried every bit by hrslf to undstnd wdr d kinda gal hes hvn a relation wid is worth it....after spndn a lotta tm wid u....she found u as d perfect match fr hr son......n all hr gestures towards u shws all dis very clearly dat she really likes u.......so dn wry much...n njoy honey......consider urslf as d lukiest gal in d world....GOD BLESS U !!!!
Reply:wah...if boy friend's mother is bad complain and ask if a bf's mother is bad complain and ask.when is the world going to change?


you should b lucky u know tat?



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